April
9, 2006
Here's
one question I've yet to find an answer to: what's the deal with
Sonic the Hedgehog? Now here's one of the great videogame characters,
arguably the most iconic character of the '90s, and star of four
of the best platformers of the 16-bit era. Then he disappeared for
a number of years, only to make a major comeback in 1999 with Sonic
Adventure. Since then, Sega's mascot has appeared in a pile of console
and handheld games, but the same nagging problem remains: the newer
games just aren't very good. They're certainly nowhere near the
level of Sonic CD and Sonic
3 & Knuckles, and even the quality of the first SA has never
been matched. What's the deal?
I've
had Sonic Rush on my DS for a while now, and I've been willing to
get my hopes up, since this is the first traditional Sonic game
made by Sonic Team since the Genesis. They've stubbornly stuck to
the 3D realm, while pawning the 2D Gameboy Advance titles to outside
developers. So this is something of a homecoming of sorts, not unlike
Nintendo's upcoming New Super Mario Brothers.
And,
yet, I've found myself largely unimpressed with Rush, and I'm trying
to understand just why that is. It's a game I want to enjoy, because
I still have a lot of affection for the spikey blue spud, and like
Sega, I want to see him somehow recapture that youthful glory. Instead,
Sonic (and Sega, especially since the Dreamcast died) has just been
going through the motions, lost in some primordial midlife crisis.
Sonic is now just another middle ager wallowing in self-pity and
tired stories about "the good old days."
Perhaps
I should get down to specifics. Here's what I'm tired of. I'm tired
of seeing the same layouts over and over. Every Sonic game, it seems,
must have the following levels: the forest zone, the ancient ruins
zone, the casino zone, the mechanized city zone, and the giant death-egg-that-looks-like-the-death-star
zone. Also, don't forget the underwater zone, the winter zone, and
all the other standard climates you've seen in ever other platformer.
Remember
the crazy environments in Sonic CD? Remember how varied the different
zones in S3K were? Why is it so difficult now to come up with any
new ideas? What's the deal? Would it kill anyone to come up with
a better plot for a Sonic game than the tired Eggman Conquest Scheme?
If we're being asked to sit through another round of dull cut-scenes
that have no business being there in the first place, the least
the designers could do is come up with a decent story. Something
different. It couldn't be that hard.
It's
the paradox of today's videogame industry. Publishers want franchises,
recognizable brand-name products that will continue to lure in
the same suckers, year after year. In order to maintain that
audience, you need consistency, predictibility. You need to condition
the lemmings into shelling out for the same product again and
again.
And
then this same industry wonders why their market never expands anymore.
They're just taking more money from the same small clique of game
nerds and uneducated peasants.
Back
to Sonic Rush. My biggest beef, it turns out, is the same as Matt
Paprocki's from his Digital Press review: the bottomless pits. The
whole game feels like it takes place in mid-air; there's hardly
ever any ground floor, only three stories of bottomless pits. It's
as if you're being punished every time you stray off the intended
course; not that there's anything to be discovered by exploring.
You're just set along the standard rollercoaster ride, and if you
miss a jump or fail to notice that important platform switch...poof!
Down you go.
Sonic
has always been dedicated to the highs of speed, but much of the
variety from, say, S3K, is missing. Now it's equal parts rushing
and crashing. Sonic has an aging speed addict. The bottomless falling
is pretty much the only danger in the game, which is pretty wierd.
I
should probably mention a few things I like about Sonic Rush,
including the vertical twin-screen layout, the new character
Blaze (still too many cartoon characters in the series), and
the number of stunt moves you can perform while flying through
the air or grinding on pipes.
Now
back to the beefs. See if you can spot your favorites:
-
The boss fights are way, way, waaaaayy toooo loooong. Clearly meant
as an attempt to put 2D Sonic into a 3D realm, but keeping it confined
to a single gimmicky screen. Doesn't Sonic Team remember that they
already created the perfect 2/3D Sonic? It's called NiGHTS, and
it's probably the best game Yuji Naka and company have ever done.
Just when are they going to realize that, and create the definitive
21st Century Sonic that we've all been asking for? From the flailing
of the franchise, my guess is "not bloody likely."
What
I will not tolerate is spending three minutes, four minutes on a
boss fight. All I'm being asked to do is spot the simple pattern
and hit Ivan or Eggman or whatever eight times. There's no excuse
for dragging out something so elementary, so basic.
-
I hate those stupid voices. Can I please use the stylus to stab
Tails every time he speaks? Yuck.
-
I'm not enamored with Sonic's polygon model. Doesn't he seem a bit
too...lanky? He even looks like a strung-out addict, even down to
the unkempt mass of hair. He used to have his act together during
the Genesis days. He even had that attitude, which was the best
thing about him. Now, he can't even bother to act impatient. Too
busy scrambling for that next rush. You got a quarter, buddy? I
need to catch the bus.
-
Alright, this is just being mean, but it deserves to be said: Sonic
can't dance. Please make him stop. Sonic's bad dancing make my feet
sad.
You
know, if this is all that's left of the blue hedgehog, then I don't
see why Sega just doesn't follow Nintendo's lead, and reissue all
the classic Sonic games on the handheld. Those are the ones we all
loved, anyway. Seriously, tell me a DS port of Sonic CD (with the
original Japanese soundtrack!) wouldn't be a hit. If they're only
interested in sucking the gas fumes of nostalgia, then at least
be honest with us and do it right. |
