Perhaps
you’re wondering why I haven’t put up some kind of an
“artist’s statement” on this CD. It’s really
simple. I don’t like ‘em. While I always value any insights
an artist can give me about his or her art, most of the time, their
“statement” is boring as heck. There’s no better
way to say to the world, “I’m a geek and I still live
with my parents,” than to write some phony essay about your
paintings. It sounds too much like you’re selling used cars.
Take
the following, for instance. This is the perfect example of the
long-winded and pretentious “artist’s statement.”
This is an actual statement that I found on an online gallery, and,
well, read for yourself:
- “This
painting speaks of multi-dimensional consciousness giving the
viewer an opportunity to enter into alternative universes, which
are considered fantastic, but may yet become commonplace. Worlds
where creation manifests in myriad forms come from almost familiar
and others more alien, more beautiful. This cosmology says there
is room for infinite manifestations in endless universes.”
WHAT
THE HELL WAS THAT?! Could somebody translate that into English for
me? If the artist adds more red to his painting, will that change
the multi-dimensional consciousness of his universe? What if he
switches from blue to mauve in the corners? Is there one cosmology
for green and another for yellow? What if he draws circles instead
of squares?
This
is just silly. You don’t hear your grandparents saying this
stuff at art shows. You ask Aunt Jean why she’s painting ducks,
and she just says, “I like ducks.”
If
somebody pesters you to give an “artist’s statement”
and can’t seem to take no for an answer, just give ‘em
something short and sweet, like this:
The
Real Artist’s Statement
I am 100%, totally not guilty, and let me just say that I’m
looking for the real killers.
I love this gig.
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